Wednesday, 27 October 2010

If Beauty is Truth

Would Jamie Oliver please stop saying beautiful. In fact could all the blokes who think that constant use of this adjective makes them sound at once positive, passionate and thoughtful (about almost anything), please stop. That includes you Mark Cavendish, and you too the entire Garmin team, plus any other English speaking (as a first language, I will give the others a break) bike riders, who continue to sound like such fools, as they insist on describing every sprint, hill, descent, country or parcours as beautiful.

Just like Jamie’s repetition of the word made him sound like a twat well inside the first five-minute segment of his ’30 minute meals’ show I was just watching; riders post race interviews are starting to repeat like broken records. The problem seems to be that as our sport undergoes its current corporate makeover, the riders - the actual personalities of the sport, no longer even seem to own the words coming out of their mouths when they cross the line.

It’s like some sharp young pr agent who swapped golf for bikes, has thought; ‘what is going to make our riders sound like they are smart sensitive guys, who have deep thoughts about things’, (like the err… roads in Switzerland?), ‘oh yeah right, lets make everyone sound like they are Dave Millar, he’s the pin up boy of the renaissance cyclist, lets read his sound bites, and regurgitate them’.

So all of a sudden races are no longer shit, exhausting, hard or annoying; they are just beautiful. The crowds that jeer and spit are beautiful, the broken bumpy tarmac is beautiful, the pressured, twisting, jostling peleton is beautiful, the rain in April is beautiful, the strength sapping heat in July is, you guessed it, beautiful.

Give me a break guys; find another adjective. Please. All hope is lost for Jamie Oliver, but there are more of you bike riders, and your personalities are supposed to be different.

It’s like being in a relationship and saying everything is ‘great’ to save an argument. It washes over the real detail of racing and it’s just such a weak positivity. I don’t want to buy this shit any more than I want to listen to that mockney idiot talking about his macaroni cheese.

This is exactly why Cav is only a true star in the moments that his emotions have short-circuited his brain after a sprint. He swears, he chastises others, he vents frustration or elation and he genuinely shows himself. Anyone with a heart that beats must prefer this to the cooled down, debriefed version. I don’t want to hear remorseful apologies, false compliments or even how pretty a country might be. No one could really be interested in that for a second, but his sponsors need him to say it, just in case some nut gets so upset by hearing their hero say the f word that they can no longer hold down a job, and start legal action.

Compare the wonderful verbal fireworks Cav can come out with, to the condescendingly dull template of a post race comment that Garmin riders churn out; ‘I am so proud of the whole team today, I could not have won this without them. We are not just a team we are also bff’s, I love this team. It was a beautiful race. I am so proud Thank you’. Go on, have a look at any post race comment from one of their riders this season and that is word for word what you’ll see. It’s clean, its tidy, it ticks all the sponsors boxes in the in-company magazine but its oh so dull.

Someone give bike riders their personalities back. There is no hope for Jamie Oliver, but he is just a chubby entrepreneur, a clown who caricatures himself for money. Bike riders should be so much more than that.


  1. Beautiful post, man.

    But seriously, good point. Although a certain other team sponsor is guilty of misappropriating other words - 'epic' for example. Though there's no doubt that bike racing does have moments of beauty, even if they're only glimmers amongst the more overriding emotions of fear, exhaustion, self-doubt, pain...

  2. Quite right too... the corporate PR-ism's are starting to become terribly tedious. While you're probably correct as regards the (about-to-be) Garvelo chaps, don't you think its just as curious that the sculpture-dominated whiskers belonging to the head honcho from that camp shoots straight from the lip? Nevertheless, for my money, its the Pub Landlord's team that tops the table of over-spun PR'd rubbish-speak. Every single press-release, interview, pre- or post-race comment of theirs is corporate-PR-massaged to such an degree that it resembles nothing other than meaningless regurgitation of a message that no one is bothered with and about as pointless and effective as a Bee Gees comeback tour

  3. What about Bernard Matthews turkey?

  4. Just relax

  5. As ever, an eloquent blog written from the heart. But it raises the question: is this a message to your team press officer?

  6. Truth, what is it?

    The definition of 'truth' is 'opposite of error'. Truth means it is conformable to fact. It is correct.

    Truth in action, is when the human conscience agrees with the intellect. Truth is 'ONE'. There can be only one truth, (John 17:17-23).

    17 Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth.
    18 As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world.
    19 And I consecrate myself for them, so that they also may be consecrated in truth.
    20 "I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in me through their word,
    21 so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.
    22 And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one,
    23 I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me.

    Any variation in the one truth is not truth at all, but error.

    So how do you test for the truth? I have already given you the answer in the first paragraph. You have to look for error, and you have to see if the truth is conformable to fact. Here are some guidelines. Consult your conscience as you follow these pointers...

    1. Have you felt uncomfortable (conscience speaking) with some Bible verses that do not seem to conform to the teaching of your Church? All of Scripture is harmonious and it all should fit together like a giant picture puzzle.

    2. When you do question some teaching, do you get definitive answers every time?

    3. Do you get meaningless or nebulous answers that don't make sense?

    4. Are you absolutely sure that you are in the Church that Jesus Christ founded? He only founded 'A' Church in Mathew 16:18. That verse does not say 'Churches'. I am reminded of 1 Cornthians 10:12, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."

    5. There are over 33,800 different Christian sects in the world today. How can you be sure you have chosen the right one?

    6. Remember, 'TRUTH IS ONE', so how can there possibly be 33,800 different Christian Churches, all teaching that ONE TRUTH?

    7. If all those Churches taught the same truth, then there would not be 33,800, but only one. What does an examination of conscience say now?

    8. That means there have to be 33,799 Churches teaching error. If that is the case, then there are 33,799 Churches on the 'wide path' and only one on the 'narrow'. I don't like those gambling odds of 1 in 33,800. Does that bother your conscience?

    9. Most all Churches claim to be the Church of truth. Who do you believe? Which one is right? Which Church does the Bible say is the Church of truth?

    10. The Church of truth is spelled out in the Bible. It is the only Church that was given the authority, the one in whom the Holy Spirit dwells forever, John 14:15-17.

    11. "But he who does the truth comes to the light that his deeds may be made manifest, for they have been performed in GOD", John 3:21. This verse says it all.

    12. If you haven't found truth then you haven't found GOD.

  7. Bit rude that Mr Gormley. Your post has no relevance to the content blog at all.

    TRUTH be known.. I was thinking more..

    If coke is a mystery/Michael Jackson history,
    If beauty is truth and surgery/the fountain of youth,
    (The book of Pop: Bono U2:8)

    Play fair.